The London Underground is a fearsome place. With its first line, the Metropolitan, open since 1863, the Underground train system – also known as the ‘Tube’ – has seen well over a century of rats, mice, delays and drunken brawls. And, as any London-dweller will tell you, there are unwritten rules to travelling on the Tube. Here are just a few.
On my first ever trip on the Underground, my colleague, who’d moved to Bath from London and was accompanying me on a trip to our Head Office in Waterloo, smiled when I carried on chatting to her after we’d boarded the Tube. “I can tell you don’t live in London” she said. “Nobody talks on the Tube.” How strange, I thought. But now, after eighteen years of living in the capital, I know what she means. A blank muteness envelopes people as they step over the gap into a carriage. Even the closest of buddies carry on their conversations in a discreet whisper. Don’t ask me why. It just is.
Unless, of course, you’re travelling at the weekend, after 11pm; or heading west on Notting Hill Carnival weekend. Then, if you’re not hollering and tooting, you’ll be in the minority. You have been warned.
DO NOT spout religion
A recent development, this one. Brits are blessed with a stubborn doggedness when it comes to battling on through adversity, but sadly, the spate of recent terrorist attacks have made everyone understandably twitchy. Train lines around Wimbledon had to be closed recently after a preacher loudly quoted passages from the Bible, and talked about Doomsday, causing commuters to force open train doors and flee onto the tracks. The man meant no harm, he claimed. But – really? If you’re on the Tube and feel the urge to hold forth on religion, save it till you’re out of a train on terra firma, not tens of metres underground.
Mints are a must
Almost three million journeys are made on the London Underground every day, with around 50k people crossing the platform at Waterloo Station in the three-hour morning peak alone. The Tube is busy. This volume of bodies, pressed up against each other is bound to lead to unsavoury odours. Make sure your breath isn’t one of them.
Never stand on the left
Londoners do not like it when other people hold them up. Before the law caught up with inflammatory talk on social media, there was a popular, London-based Facebook group called ‘I like to punch slow-moving people in the head’. I’m yet to witness this happening, but it’s true that commuters get very, very angry when people stand in their way. On the Underground, signs advise you to keep to the right – when walking through the tunnels, and especially on the escalators. The left lane is for people who want to charge through, on their way to the office. Not so you can stand two abreast. Flaunt this rule at your peril.
Don’t forget the post-tube cleansing ritual
The Tube is dirty. Even right down to its core: Aldgate station is built on a massive 1665 plague pit, with more than 1,000 bodies buried beneath. After a day’s commuting, your hair will need a wash, any light coloured clothes will be covered with a film of dust, and you won’t believe the black gunk that comes shooting out when you blow your nose. If you’re the sort of person who prefers not to take a daily bath, if you’re commuting in London, that needs to change. Before flies start buzzing round your head, and friends battle to sit six seats away from you in the pub.
How to swap the daily commute for a week in the sun
If that hasn’t put you off a daily commute in London, then just consider what you’re forking out to put yourself throuh all this unpleasantness. London’s high cost of living and commuting rank it in the top 10 of the world’s most expensive cities. The inspirational people at travel agency Loveholidays created an interactive Tube map which highlights some of the holiday destinations that can be enjoyed for the cost of a week’ London rent and Tube travel.
I’m lucky enough to work from home most days, but my partner could swap his commute, from Brockley to Charing Cross, for a week’s all-inclusive break on Kos, Zante or Rhodes; or an all-inclusive week in Spain, Bulgaria, or the Algarve, Portugal. Once you’ve picked a destination, the interactive Tube map takes you through to see which hotel you could be staying in for the cost of a week in London. Loveholidays – an ABTA member, which
provides ATOL protection to customers as well as a price match guarantee – offers a wide range of holidays to short and long haul destinations, so there are plenty to choose from.
Tempted? The interactive Tube map can be found here. If you live or work in London, do have a look to see where a week’s board and travel in the capital could take you.
Greek island holiday, anyone?
This is a collaborative post. All views are my own. All Tube images in this post are from Pixabay. The Greek island image is mine.
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